This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
