My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
