still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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