Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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