the day after is always just damage control
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
