Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
