I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
