East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
