My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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