The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
