how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
