you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
