I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
