Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
