Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize