i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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