and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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