is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
