im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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