You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
