A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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