so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
