I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
