She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ttyl tear gas
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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