I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Boobs are out for the taking
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
