so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize