I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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