Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
