You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My dick has a subreddit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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