She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
