Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
