a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he told me I talked like a deaf person
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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