atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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