she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His nipple licking is glorious
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