he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
