i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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