Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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