We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
