bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
