The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
