if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you had me at cake vodka
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
