My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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