i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
