It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
