I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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