Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
