I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
