bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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