You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
