WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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