don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
