You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
