BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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