am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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