saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize