i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
