HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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