so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
