Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
