My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
