Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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