I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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